punjabi funny messages
October 14, 2009 4 Comments
Exclusive Punjabi Jokes for just4lovers Readers
Ik munda, sadak te tureya janda si
(a guy waz walkin down the road)
Tan, Ik amli cycle te chadiaya janda,
(and a crackhead was commin up on a bike)
Oh amli, munde vich vaj janda,
(the crackhead runs into the walking guy)
Oh dowen buri taran dig jande a.
(they both fall down to the ground)
Jadon dowen uth painde a ,te amli mundey nu kehnda,
(when they both get up, the crackhead says..)
“O kuj nehi hoya, mari moti raggarr aye hai…”
(oh! its okay, you are not that hurt.. its just minor bruses)
“jah jake parsad churrah, te mandir jake matha teki tera bachaa ho gia.”
(now go, go to the temple and thank god your life was saved!, go on)
Mundey nu bada gussa charda, te kehnda, “Keda bachaa ho gia, saliyaa nale tan mere sattan laa tiyan te nalle kehinda bachaa ho giya.”
(the guy is pretty mad, “what you talking about!!!, first you run into me and cause me injuries and now you are saying that I should go to the temple and thank god!!!”)
Amli kehnda, “oye meri gal mun tera bachaa ho giya tere vich mein cycle maar dhitta.”
(the crackhead goes, “belive me man, you should be thankful that I hit you with my cycle”)
Munda kehnda, “oh kyon.”
(the guy says, “and why is that!!.”)
Oh kamleyaa, Pichon ta mein Truck chalaounda ayaan, cycle ta mein ithonk he chukeya!!!!”
(“my good man, i had just gotton on to the bike, I was driving a truck before that!!!!”)
Ik admi di janani bahut moti [mera matlab motto] si. Ik din o station te vajan tolan vali machine te charhi.
Machine de vich sikka paya te ode vicho ik cheekh di awaj ayi te card bahar aya:
“Khotte de puttro – ik ik karke charho”
Eik warr eik railway station te eik choori eik gentelmann nal larr rahi hundi hai, te galan vich uss nu kehndi hai, aaa jharrooo(broom) dekhyea thalle de ke delhi bhejj duu, thori duur eik admi khara hunda aa ke uss aurat nu kehnda behn ji thore jahe teele (stcks that broom maid out of )mere thalle de devo main jallandhar jana ……lol
Ik munda kuri nu puchchda hai” tera naa ki hai”?
kuri kehandi “meena”
Kuri puchchdi “tera naa”?
munda kehanda “kameena”
kuri kehandi” lagdey ta nahin”
munda “kol bitha ke vekh lao”
Ik din kuch punjabi gabroo kothe te chad ke galee di andi-jandi kudia nu ched de paye san.Jadoo ik garm mijaj di kudi de naal unnahe ne a harkat kiti te oh gusse vich bole “chappal la ke utey aawa”?
Eha sune ke ik gabroo bolya “koei gal nahi chappal payee-payee ajaao.Utey keda paath ho raya hai”.
A man goes to local village doctor
“Dactar sahib..mennu bare bhayanak je sapne ande ne..
“for example”doc said
“..mennu sapna anda he ki meri bivi, jado me so janda ya bahar janda, te o pajh ke kise hor aadmi nu milan jandi ha i”….(i dream when i sleep my wife goes out to meet some one else)..or jado meri jag khuldi hai te o ghar vich hondi hai..dasso me ki kara – eh bhayanak jya sapna menu kha raha hai…
doctor said,” bevkoofa..ae sapna nai sach hai”
“Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain Banta Singh welcoming you to Punjab Airways. We apologize for the four day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in at the bakery. This is flight one two six flight to New Delhi. Landing in Delhi is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the East. And if luck is in our favor, we may even be landing on your village! Punjab Airways has an excellent record for safety. In fact our safety standards are so high that even the terrorists are afraid to fly with us! It is with pleasure I announce that starting this year over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination. (I presume that the other 50% were the terrorists themselves!!!) For the ones that don’t quite make it, Punjab Airways staff have all the requisite experience for consoling the next-of-kin. Our stewardesses Bubbly and Goldie will be happy to brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies. If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off ! To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and biscuits ! For our religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God! We regret to inform you, that today’s in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buff, we will be flying right next to Air India, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window. There is no-smoking in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! Life jackets are positioned under your seats and free bathing costumes are made available to the aunties and swimming shorts to the uncles, for emergency jumps! In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark ! Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take off and fasten your belt. For those of you who can’t find a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those of you who can’t find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a flight attendant for your suitcase. Sorry, but I won’t be flying with you today because I have to attend my nephew’s wedding. But please make yourself at home and help yourself to the cockpit. Thank you for choosing Punjab Airways. HAVE A NICE JOURNEY.
The Punjab Police Department, the FBI, and the CIA were each trying to prove it was the best law enforcement agency. So the UN released a rabbit into the woods and gave each agency a chance to do its stuff.
The CIA placed animal informants in and around the forest and questioned all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigation, the CIA concluded that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI sent its people into the woods. After two weeks with no leads, the agents burned the forest, killing everything, including the rabbit. There were no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
Then the Punjab Police sent its people in. They came out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear was yelling, “OK! OK! I’m a rabbit
A Punjabi Woman Talking
2 An English Doctor
In LONDON Abt Her Ill Child:
“My Kaka Is Ill Ek Week Da
Na Eat Da Na Sleep Da
Bas Weep Da Tey Cheekda..”
Dear friend, jane anjane ch je main kade tera dil dukhaya hove, tng kita hove ja fir kuj hor jo v kita us lyi…
Tere to j v hunda kar lai
”Main ni sudhrna”
Shaadi to Pehle
Takdeer hai par kismat nahi khuldi
Taj mahal banana chahnda haan
Par Mumtaz nahi mildi….
Shaadi to baad
Takdeer hai par kismat nahi khuldi
Taj mahal banana chahnda haan
Par Mumtaz nahi mardi….
Ik var ik amli radio theek karvan gaya.
Mechanic: Radio te theek hai bhai tera. Bas jara mausam kharab hon karke nahi chalda pya.
Amli: Aa pakad 100 rupaiye, mausam nava pa de.
Bari warsi khatan gaya si, khat ke leyanda Taanga; Bari warsi khatan gaya si, khat ke leyanda Taanga; Oye agge ki? Agge Ghora …
Barsat ki raat
1 bheegi larki
Us se nazren mili
Dekh kar ise
dhrakate dil ne
INNU te bukhar howE hi howE.
Jinney LAHORE ni vikhya o jamiya e ni
Jinney KARACHI ni vikhya o maryea e ni
Jinney MuLTAN ni vikhya o sarya e nai
Jinny TENU nai
“o darya e nae”!
O Love Love khidhi Rahi..Main
leave leave parda rea..o kiss
Kiss likhdi rahi main kash
kash parda rea..O viah kara ke
chaali gae..Main LANGUAGE
course karda reaya!
Punjabi salesman bargaining
wid lady..”Baji, Dopaty vichon
sanu kuj nahi labda..Kameez
vicho fer do anay lab jande
ne,Salwaar vich tay sanu
pallayon pana painda aey
…… Je kade tera ikale da panga 10 bandiyan nal pe jave ta mainu bula lai.
……Main kade kise de kut paindi ni dekhi…
ik munda ik kuri te ja digiya
kudi boli- battameez ki kar reha hain
munda kehnda- ji punjab university to b.a. final :-j