Archive for January, 2008
A short story !
A Junior Software engineer, a Senior Software engineer and their Project Manager are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, “Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each”.
So the eager Junior Software engineer shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries. “Pfufffff” and he were gone.
Now the Senior Software engineer could not keep quiet and shouted “I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails. “Pfufffff” and he were also gone.
The Project Manager calmly said,” I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 1.30pm”
Moral of the story is:
”Always allow the bosses to speak first…” JJ
Side Effects of Tata’s Nano Car
The Tata NANO car is a great achievement for the innovative thinking of Ratan Tata and his people. …. I wish Tata more innovative Endeavours in Future.
Math’s Question Paper
A Typical question paper from an Terrorist country’s education Institute
MATH QUESTION PAPER
Instructions:-
i) Students found copying will be shot on the spot.
ii) Any student coming late after 10 minutes after the exam starts will be forced to join Al Qayda Group .
iii) Ak 47 -s and Grenades are not allowed in the exam hall. Students may keep their daggers, Revolvers and pack of anthrax bombs only for self defense.
Math Exam Time 3 hours Full Marks 100
All questions are compulsory.
1. Abdul was sent to jail for murder .He has 7 wives in his house. Abdul distributed money to his wives in such a proportion that the youngest and most recent wife receives maximum and oldest wife gets minimum, and each wife gets double of her former competitor. Abdul Has 1700 Rupaye left in his house. Abdul’s oldest wife needs at least 25 rupaye per month. Find out the time when Abdul will have to break Jail to come out and earn money so that his wives do not starve.
2. Karim is a Drug seller. Prices per gram of Marijhuana, hasis, haroine and LSD s are 50,60,70,80 Rupaye respectively. Karim offers a discount of Rupaye 20 for his buyers who buys more than 50 grams of drug. If Rahim , a buyer gets Rupaye 37 discount , find out the grams of LSD he bought.
3. Imran tampers the ball thrice per over. He deforms the ball .02% of its original shape each time . Find the percentage deformation the ball due to tampering in a one day series against India in which Imran bowled 9.3 overs.
4. Mohammed has a Company named Al Allah Kidnapping & Murder Private Limited. He has to threaten 10 people per day over the Telephone. 40% of the people he threatens are cinema stars in Mumbai, 30% are Businessmen in Delhi, 20% are Cricket Players in Madras and 10% are shopkeepers in Calcutta . IF isd charges are rupaye 15, 25,40, 50 per minute from Mohammed’s city Islamabad to Bombay, Delhi, Calcutta and Madras respectively and he gets a Telephone bill of 10,230 Rupaya in a month Find out The No of Cinema stars in Mumbai , threatened in that particular month.
5. A terrorist group has to provide one Ak47.one AK 49,one Rocket Launcher, 50 Grenades and one >pack of RDX to its Ron roots for training .One AK 47 costs 100$; One Ak 49 costs 150 $ ,A Bazuka rocket Launcher costs 250 $ , grenade is 3 $ each , a pack of Rdx Bomb attached with remote Control is 500 $. The terrorist group admits 2000 new people every year out of which 30 % are court-martialed . Find the amt of Foreign Money Pakistan Govt has to provide each year to run such a group.
6. If stability of democratic Govt. in Pakistan is given by the following equation X exp3 +X exp2-16 = i ; Find out x.
7. Probability of a Pakistani prime minister to be shot is 78 %. Probability of a Military general >to be shot is 80 %. Find the
joint ! probability of >a Prime minister to be shot who is also a >Military general.
8. Find out geometrically the area of Paktunistaan using PI Theorem with Osama BIn Ladens correction>(That is taking the value of PI = 786 instead of > 3.14….), if Paktunistaan is taken as a heptagon.
9. A ‘GHAURI’ missile tries to fly from Drass to Kargil which is not too far from Drass (say 100 >miles) and is exactly to the East of Drass . The >wind is blowing from the South and the speed of>the wind is exactly equal to the speed of the >airplane. (The speed of the airplane is measured>with respect to the air!) The pilot decides to >steer straight to Kargil all the time during
S’thing To Activate Your Brain Cell
S’thing To Activate Your Brain
1. man
———–
board
Ans. = man overboard
2. stand
———–
i
Ans. = I understand
ok?….get the drift?
Let’s try a few now & see how you fare ???
3. /r/e/a/d/i/n/g/
Ans. = reading between the lines
4. r
road
a
d
Ans. = cross road
5. cycle
cycle
cycle
Ans. = tricycle
6. t
o
w
n
Ans. = downtown
7. le /
/ vel
Ans. = split level
8. 0
————-
M.D.
Ph.D.
Ans. = two degrees below zero
9. knee!
————
light
Ans. = neon light (knee on light)
10. ii ii
———-
O O
Ans. = circles under the eyes
11. dice
dice
Ans. = paradise
12. t
o
u
c
h
Ans. = touch! down
13. ground
—————
feet
feet
feet
feet
feet
feet
Ans. = six feet underground
14. he’s / himself
Ans. = he’s by himself
15. ecnalg
Ans. = backward glance
16. death / life
Ans. = life after death
17. THINK
Ans. think big !!!
And the last one is what made me missing
you……………
18. ababaaabbbbaaaabbbbababaabbaaabbbb….
Ans. long time no ‘c’(see)
Love Letter BY AN ADVERTISER
Dear Love,
You are my TVS SCOOTY (First Love) and also my AIWA (Pure Passion). I am always BPL (Believe in best) and you are SANSUI (Better than the best). You are my MCDOWEL’S (Mera number one). I believe in FRESHIA (Gorepan se jyada khoobsurti ka wada) and you are one of the most beautiful things in the world! I think of you day and night. When you give me one smile you give TVS VICTOR (More smiles per hour) for me. I would like; you should be my life partner. I think you are worried about your father who is KAWASAKI BAJAJ CALIBER (The unshakeable) and also think of my father who is CEAT (Born tough) but don’t worry I am also FORD ICON (The josh machine) and rest of our family members are KELVINATOR (The coolest one). If they say no, we will run away and marry and PHILIPS (Let’s make things better).
They will feel MIRINDA (Zor ka jhatka dhire se laga) and we COCA COLA (Jo chaho ho jaye coca cola enjoy). Trust in God who is always NOKIA (Connecting people) for those who love each other and we are WILLS (Made for each other). After sometime our love will be SAMSUNG DIGITALL (Invited by all). WE are HERO HONDA (Leading the way) of our love life. You must know that love is DAIRY MILK (The real taste of life) and also AMUL (The real taste of India). For me life is HOME TRADE (Life means more). So never forget me.
OK bye!
How Would A Mumbai Tapori Give An Advertisement In Matrimonial
Apun Pakia!!! Umar 30 saal, wajan 80 killo aur 5 1/ 2 phoot height kya, poora kasrat body !!!…abhi wo bole to, kya hai na apun ko bhi life me settle hone ka maangta, isiliye yeah adverteezment apun paper me chaap riye la hai…Apun maanta hai apun Tapori hai, bahut log ka pungi bajayela hai magar kya hai naa baap, apun ka bhi izzat hai markit me!!! Apun ko bhi public shaadi-biyah me bolati hai woh bhi izzat se! Saaal ka 5/6 peti to apun aaram se kama leta hai…buri aadat bole to daaru aur bidi, abhi daaru kon nahi pita – yaar. Akkha bada bada log apun log se jaasti chada leta hai…Ab chokiri apun ko aisa maangta hai… Bole to aik dam jhakas maal, patakha, aik dam patakha…thoda padi likhi hongi to chalenga kion ke saala yeah kabhi kabhi form bharne ke liye saala apun ko 25 log ka hath pair jodna padta hai…Apun jo hai na shaadi ki baad aik dam sudhar jaayinga iman se…apun ka baccha log ko apun pada likka tapori banayinga…bole to Tapori Doctor,Tapori computer waala aur bhi bohat kuch…Maa kasam shadi ke baad apun kisi bhi chikni ko line nahi denga…Dekho baap apun ko shadi ke baad me koi chokri ki family ka lafda nahi maangta hai…han bole to kabab me haddi nahi banane ka kya! Koi saala beech mein aayenga to uska game baja dalenga. Abhi yeah sub accha lage to apun ko contact karne ka kya!
Munna Mobile ke pichchoo,
Pappu Pager ka Right Hand,
ShanPatti Nagar,
Hairan Gali No. 420,
Pareshan Road, Bhai Ka Area.
