DRIVEN BY LOVE

If u treat her nice she says”yaar mujhe line de raha hai”
 If u dont she says”kitna akarta hai“
If u dress nicely she says”mujhay impress karna chata hai“
 If u dont she says “tasteless hai yaar“
 If u argue with her  she says”ziddi hai“
 If u sit quietly  she says”dumb hai“
 If u act smarter  she’ll lose her brain as u r insulting her
If she acts smarter she think its her right
 If u dont love her  she says”is ka to pehlay say hi 2,3 larkioon k
saath chakar hai“
 If u love her  she  says”peechay hi par gayaa hai“
If u dont give her a kiss she says” tum mujh may serious naheen ho“
 If u give her a kiss  she says” yaar woh lerkaa flirt ker raha hai“
If u dont tell her ur prob she says” ur not honest 2 me“
 If u do tell to her she says “ur a problem child“
 If u scold her  she says “you act like a grandpa giving lecture“
 If she scolds u  she says “Yaar, its becuz i care“
If u break a promise she says “I dnt trust u any more“
 If she breaks  she says “jan mein majbour thi“
 If u smoke she says “u are a bad guy“
 If she smokes she says “i need this, plz jaanu try to understand“
 If u do good in exams  she says “qismat ne saath diya warna tum or good marks“
 If she gets good marks  she says”" its my brain”
 If u hurt her  she says “u r cruel & dont care of my feelings“
If she hurts you she replies” u r not understanding“
 if u r late on date  she says”you are just flirting me“
 if she is late on date  she says”sorry janu , majboori thi,samjha karo na“

Girl: May I hold your hand?
 Boy: No thanks, it isn’t heavy.

 GIRL: Say you love me! Say you love me!
 BOY: You love me…

 GIRL: If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
 BOY: Sure, what’s your phone number??

 GIRL: I think the poorest people are the happiest.
 BOY: Then marry me and we’ll be the happiest couple

 GIRL: Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
 BOY: Don’t you ever want to improve??

 Girl: I love you and I could die for you!
 Boy: How soon??

 BOY: I would go to the end of the world for you!
 GIRL: Yes, but would you stay there??

 ________________________ ________________________ __ ______

Patient: “What are the chances of my recovering doctor?”
 Doctor: “One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of
ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I’ve
treated. The others all died”.
 _________________

Teacher: “Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?”
 Sam: “No sir, I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook”.

 Teacher: “Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped
him, what virtue would I be showing?”
 Student: “Brotherly love”

Tom: “How should I convey the news to my father that I’ve failed?”
 David: “You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year’s
performance repeated”

Waiter: “Would you like our black coffee?”
 Customer: “What other colours do you have?”

Teacher: “What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people
are no longer interested?”
 Pupil: “A teacher”.

Teacher: “Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?”
 Pupil: “The moon”.
 Teacher: “Why?”
 Pupil: “The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun
gives us light only in the day time when we don’t need it”.

Girlfriend: “…And are you sure you love me and no one else?”
 Boyfriend: “Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday”.

So a 2 letter word has a hundred completely different meanings. So
 what is this stuff about English being easy?

 There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meaning than any
 other two-letter word, and that is “UP.”

 It’s easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of
 the list, but when we waken in the morning, why do we wake UP?

 At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are
 the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to
 write UP a report?

 We call UP our friends And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP
 the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.

 We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.

 At other times the little word has real special meaning.

 People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and
 think UP excuses.

 To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.

 And this UP is confusing:
 A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP We open UP a store
 in the morning but we close it UP at night.

 We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!
 To be knowledgeable of the proper uses of UP, look UP the word in the
 dictionary. In a desk size dictionary, the word up, takes UP almost
 1/4th the page and definitions add UP to about thirty.

 If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways
 UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don’t give
 UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

 When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun
 comes out we say it is clearing UP.

 When it rains, it wets UP the earth. When it doesn’t rain for awhile,
 things dry UP.

 One could go on and on, but I’ll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP,
 so………….
 I’ll shut UP…

 Propose Letter…
 A Desi chap was deeply in love with a pretty girl, whom he wanted.
But he did not have the courage to talk to her in person. So he
decided to go alone and with the help of a dictionary, he wrote a
letter of proposal to her.

 HE WROTE :

 Most worthy of your estimation after a long consideration and much
mediation, I have a strong indication to become your relation. As to
my educational qualification, it is no exaggeration or fabrication,
that I have passed my matriculation examination (no doubt without any
hesitation and very little preparation). What do you say to the
solemnization of our marriage celebration according to the
glorification of modern civilization and with a view to the expansion
of the population of present generation. On your approbation of the
application, I shall make preparation to improve my situation, and if
such obligation is worthy of consideration it will be our
argumentation of the joy and exaltation of our joint dissimilation.
 Thanking you in anticipation and with devotion; To remain victim of
your fascination.

 SHE ANSWERED :
 Dear Mr. Victim of my fascination,
 Congratulation for your lengthy narration of course full of affection
aimed at an affiliation for a combination which on examination I find
is a fine presentation of your ambition. You have passed your
matriculation with little preparation, what about my graduation after
a long botheration, so improve situation in education and make an
application by acquisition of post graduation and minimumqualification
for the convocation and before taking your photo for circulation
undergo beautification.
 Further strict observation of the following conditions is the
regulation for the determination of our relation.
 1. Consultation of my parents before approaching for my connection.
 2. Communication of your confirmation that you are not a victim of
any fascination and,
 3. Procreation must not be your recreation.
 In anticipation of a solid action instead of continuation of paper
conversation.
 I Remain, unaffected by your affection

Pentium IV and Pentium III : Bade Miyan Chhote Miyan.

 For an Employee who signs a Bond : Bandhan.

 For an Employee who works Sincerely : Dil Se.

 For an Employee who is ready to leave his Job : Doli Saja Ke Rakhna.

 A Project having two Project Leader : Ek Phool Do Mali.

 An Employee without Accommodation : Pardesi Babu.

 Super User Password : Gupt.

 An Employee who is in Company for more than Three Years : Amar Prem.

 Bill Gates : Hum Se Badhkar Kaun.

 An Employee on Probation : Paying Guest.

 Ctrl + Alt + Del : Aakhri Raasta.

 An Employee who frequently changes the Company : Chalti Ka Naam Gaadi.

 Backup : Jagte Raho.

 Dos & Windows : Do Raaste.

 Internet : Door Gagan Ki Chhav Mein.

 Opertator v/s Compter - Main Khiladi Tu Anadi.

 Windows vista : Bade Dilwala.

 Server : Godfather.

 Interview : Muquabla.

 A System infected by Virus : Pyar To Hona Hi Tha.

 Anti Virus Kit : Soldier.

 System without RAM : Kora Kagaz.

 A System which frequently requires Bootable Disk : Sharabi.